The major international distributor based in a shed in Blackpool Second Chance has finally filed its accounts for the year ended 31 January 2016 with Companies House and they show quite evidently that the deal with it announced by AIM listed fraud Cloudtag (CTAG) is sheer fantasy.

Writing on Bond International Software (BDI) last month post an announcement that, having previously been “pleased to announce the sale of its Recruitment Software subsidiaries” to US private equity group Symphony Technology, it was now instead recommending a 115.5p per share takeover offer from largest shareholder Constellation Software, I concluded that it looked worth those in here continuing to hold. This was as the downside looked limited, but there remained the potential for some further upside – and there have since been further developments…

It is not that she wishes me to lose a few llbs, it is that she wants me out of the house so that she and young Joshua can watch rubbish on the TV without me sneering. In that vein I bring you this podcast but also another on why the Tory conference nauseated me (HERE). At a company level I look at President Petroleum (PPC), Wandisco (WAND), Agrittera (RUN A MILE), Cloudtag (CTAG), Fastjet (FJET), EasyJet (EZJ) and the bankrupt fraud Servision (SEV), 

I almost spat out my cornflakes with laughter at the ridiculous announcement from Life Science Developments (LIFE) this morning as it entered suspension pending an RTO with The Diabetic Boot Company (“DBC”). Please allow me to explain.

The world still hates small oil stocks. We are not sure when that will change but given how many of the mid caps are collapsing either entirely (Afren) or surviving only via schemes that see shareholders almost wiped out ( XCite, Gulfsands, Gulf Keystone, IGAS, LGO, etc, etc) we feel we could be at a Burmah Castrol moment. Do a google search if you are too young to understand the reference!

While the self proclaimed "Superwoman", the City's most sanctimonious person Nicola Horlick tries to explain away the dodgy £50,000 loan of other folks cash made to her personal dormant company Bruton (HERE), let's now look at how much cash heads to Nicola via route B, Bramdean.

Having soared towards 60p in August, shares in SRT Marine Systems (SRT, formerly Software Radio Technology) are currently around 8% lower today, at circa 40p, on the back of a “Half Year Trading Update” announcement. Hmmm, let’s take a look…

Nicola Horlick, the most self important person in the City, who dubbed herself "Superwoman" is these days running a Crowdfunding operation called Money&Co. I shall turn to its woes later today but suffice to say that between its inception on 10 June 2013 and March 31 2015 (the last published accounts) it had racked up losses of £4,056,267 - money that had been stumped up largely by outside investors beguiled by La Horlick. But before we turn to that car crash in waiting, there is the little matter of £50,000 that Nicola needs to explain away. 

On Thursday 29 September 2016 at 10.41 AM Wandisco (WAND) boss Dave Richards resigned. Or so we were told. The RNS prepared by Non Exec chairman Paul Walker (who agreed to take a massive pay hike and go Exec) stated that Richards was "stepping down.". No reason was given. In fact Richards had been fired by Walker, head of the "Sage crew" within the firm who had been battling Richards for a good while, the main issue being costs: Richards ( the founder) wanted restraint, the men from the "big company" had other ideas. Today Richards was reinstated. It gets better still and more farcical.

On 1st September AIM listed fraud African Potash (AFPO)demanded that I pay it money, withdraw all my articles about it and promise never to write again. It stated that if I did not comply by 4 PM on 2nd September it would be forced to take legal action against me. I told the bitchez at fascist lawyers Memery Crystal that I was 2 nil up against its fraudulent clients so far (Globo and Pirate Pete Landau), that I could not wait for disclosure that would bring me a hat-trick and that I'd see the bitchez in Court. So where are we now, a month later? Er....

On the face of it, great news was announced by my favourite oddity of the investment world, Craven House Capital (CRV), this week with the appointment of Richard Burrows as its new Chairman. Richard has a very impressive CV and I couldn’t help but wonder why he would take on such a role but with a bit of digging and a wild imagination, I reckon I’ve worked it out.

Recently, we have seen gold make a downward turn. Jordan Roy-Byrne of Palisade Capital predicted this turn, and put a hedge on his gold positions. He thinks we should be looking for a bounce soon. If October doesn’t turn to be a bad month it will be a good sign that we will start to move up again. If the market takes more time to digest these losses, it could be anywhere from a month to a few months before we start to move back up again.

Hello Share Twiddlers. Tesco (TSCO) published its first-half figures this week and the shares rocketed by 12%. That pleased me as I still hold a load of its stock - though I wish I could get round to dumping it. You see, I’m not sure that the leap in share price was justified. Yes, revenues were up, but pre-tax profit was down (including a £200m foreign exchange loss).

“Time Out Group (TMO), the global multi-platform media and e-commerce business with food & cultural markets, is pleased to announce that it has signed a lease for a new Time Out Market in the iconic São Bento train station in Porto, Portugal. This will be the second Time Out Market, following the success of the group's flagship market in Lisbon which opened in May 2014”. Hmmm…

This morning's article on Cloudtag (CTAG) should be yet another red flag and Lucian and I should served up one more soonish. Just how many red flags to the morons need to see? I ask this after a fellow asks me what he should do about his collapsing investment in TrakM8 (TRAK). Answer you should have listened to me when the shares were double today's price! I also look at Impact Holdings (IHUK) and then offer warnings about Blur (DOG), Rosslyn Data (RDT), Strat Aero (AERO) where, in all three cases, I'm sure it is placing ahoy and I explain why. And I look at why the Footsie is heading through 7,000 and where next.

Okay this presentation is rather long but Art tells a good joke or two. And the message is important. If you need a higher oil price for your portfolio to flourish...don't hold your breath! Enjoy!

Falanx Group (FLX) has raised £750,000 at 4p in a placing organised by new broker Turner Pope. It was Turner Pope that approached Falanx and we know most of those who put up the cash and they are firm-ish holders not flippers. Turner Pope will get its commission and also 468,750 shares with a six month lock-in.

So Tesco (TSCO) shares are flying today.  Well that's great news as a shareholder. The move is justified as Dave Lewis ('Tesco Dave') is doing a solid job with his difficult aircraft carrier sized hand.  Improving positive momentum in UK like-for-like sales, more engaged customers and an internal satisfaction survey that Tesco staff are feeling the love again. That's a couple of boxes ticked on the 'to do' list.  Other parts of the business like the global operations and the Tesco Personal Finance crunch along in a workable manner.  

Arguing “the strong financial and KPI performance from the stores reported in the company's 2016 interim results gives the board comfort that the business model is proven and the confidence to accelerate the roll-out of new stores”, the company with the exclusive right to develop, operate and sub-franchise Domino's Pizza stores in Poland, DP Poland (DPP) has announced it’s placing ahoy! Hmmm…

Only posters on the LSE Asylum get it right 100% of the time. That is why they are all millionaires but are so generous that they still share their wisdom with the rest of us. Steve & I don't always get it right. Since we launched the Nifty Fifty website almost four years ago our second worst tip has been Stanley Gibbons (SGI). Overall we are still c20% per tip up with an average holding period of less than a year. But this one has not helped our average.