No I have not been on the Christmas sherry, I ask the question very seriously but what is the answer? Here are the facts:
I despair. Just what is the FCA smoking? It has approved the prospectus submitted by Satsuma (SATS) so the company will not go bust and its share capital will be swollen as vast numbers of CULS are converted into shares. But did the FCA not read pages 79 and 80 or were its staff too bust downloading ESG porn at that point?
Satsuma (SATS) released its interim results for the period from 1 March 2025 to 31 August 2025 at 1.41 pm yesterday and they make for miserable reading for shareholders in this spoof which has raised £180 million run by a man whose previous venture was going to cure global warming with seaweed. The writing is on the wall, Even Hellen Keller has spotted that.
I think it perfectly possible that the liars at Satsuma Technology (SATS) will fail to get the FCA to approve its new prospectus for an RTO by the new December 30 deadline. After all its lawyers quit because of accounting high jinks and Satsuma then lied about that to investors. But it may start to unravel before then…. Think about it as the shares are now 0.9p to 1.1p.
"Oh dear, Oh dear", as disgraced ex share tipster Mike Walters used to say when yet another of his disastrous share tips went horribly Pete Tong. Walters would have loved Satsuma Technology (SATS): loss making, proven liars and advised by rogues such as the journalist smearing PR scum at Yellow Jersey. It has all the attributes of a classic Old Mother Walters tip. Today’s RNS ends with the confession of lying.
I have dropped a note to Nikhil Rathi, CEO of the FCA, asking if he regards lying in an RNS in a market his organization regulates as acceptable. You would have thought that the answer is “No” but the ack of action to correct the Satsuma (SATS) lying suggests otherwise.
On Friday Satsuma Technology (SATS) lied to investors via RNS but it’s what it is covering up that the FCA should be all over. In case the regulators have overlooked this 175 million pounds scandal I have dropped them a note
This is cut and dried. Satsuma Technology lied, its board are liars
Today Satsuma (SATS) published its audited interim results for period from 1 June 2025 to 8 August 2025. They record a loss of £10,377,000 and the company was technically insolvent with net liabilities of £6,845,000 versus a market capitalisation of £13.2 million. But given it held £54,043,000 of cash and £99,590,960 in Bitcoin there is no risk of the company going bust for liquidity reasons. The liabilities are almost all CULS so when they convert they will disappear.
Satsuma Technology (SATS) the bitcoin in treasury operation chaired by Matt Lodge, formerly an expert if fighting global warming by growing seaweed, set out to raise a minimum of £100 million in loan notes convertible at 1p but has raised a monstrous £163.66 million. This can only end in tears
Today Satsuma (formerly TAO Alpha) (SATS) has announced a Board change which some folk seem to think is good news. Think again. Satsuma states:
Sadly my pals at the Financial Reporting Council do not look at Q1 and Q3 results statements even if like those of Satsuma (SATS) they drive a coach and horses through IFRS rules and are thus gossly misleading. The FRC has written to me with this bad news but it says that it has passed the matter onto the FCA and clearly Satsuma is now on notice that it will have to restate Q1s when it publises half year numbers. Against that backdrop how on earth can it continue wth its current £100 million fund raise? Answers on a postcard to the Chocolate Teapots at the FCA. The FRC writes to me.
I am not surprised that punters with warrants mainly at 1p but also at 6p have been exercising in droves as announced today. With the shares at almost 10p but worth a maximum of 1p but perhaps as little as 0.1p depending on whether the current 100 million quid funding round at 1p succeeds, folks would be mad not to exercise warrants and sell. Equally anyone buying the shares at almost 10p is also mad. Today there is another howling corporate governance stinker.
