Letter to the FCA Re Cellular Goods: if it fails to act on these TWO matters it is officially a joke

The FCA is charged with tackling financial crime and also regulating the Standard List of the Main market. I have written to it regarding a company once backed by David Beckham, Cellular Goods (CBX) where there appear massive possible issues on BOTH counts. If it fails to act on both matters it sends a signal that it is officially a complete joke and that on London’s financial markets anything goes. The letter is below:

Cellular Goods: how is this not insider dealing, it takes the AI bandwagon piss to boot!

Over the past three days, newly appointed executive director Mike Edwards has bought 8 million shares in Cellular Goods (CBX). His name is the contact on RNS he is calling the shots. Today he has announced a, laughable change of name and strategy. Just how on earth can this not be insider dealing. Do not tell me that this was all dreamt up yesterday afternoon, Edwards traded on specific price sensitive information.

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “Change of name and Focus on AI Beauty Opportunity” attempted ramptastic

Cellular Goods Mike Edwards share purchase spoof, he must think BB Morons are morons? He’s right: they are!

Yesterday, I looked at the shock return of Mike Edwards to Cellular Goods (CBX) as a NED. Today Cellular shares have jumped by 17% as it was announced that Edwards had bought 5.5 million shares at 0.325p. Boy the morons loved that. But hang on Henry…

Cellular Goods CEO and Chairman walks, Mike Edwards back to complete the circle of related party bollocks but SMTM

You just could not make this up. Mike Edwards and his business partner Jon Bixby owned 31% of Cellular Goods (CBX) at the time of its 5p IPO. Their vehicle Durban Holdings paid just 0.1p for nearly all of its stock and as the shares were David Beckham/disgraced Daily Mail pumped they started sell. Indeed they sold all their shares. Lovely jubbly for them.

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – Chairman/Interim CEO Darcy Taylor “resignation… effective immediately”, appointment of Mike Edwards (of Argo Blockchain etc. infamy)

Cellular Goods: disastrous results, what on earth are auditors at PKF LittleJohn smoking?

My cat looked at these results and did the maths: Cellular Goods (CBX) will run out of cash within six months. Yet PKF Littlejohn has said there is no material uncertainty. That is just bollocks and I shall be flagging this up with the Financial Reporting Council.

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – FY even adj. loss £2.7m, cash down to £1.8m

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “open shipping to 4 more EU markets”, more attempted ramptastic

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – attempted ramptastic “products to launch on Chill.com” of Chill Brands (#CHLL)

Cellular goods another total spoof release – it will be bankrupt well before St Valentine's day unless there is a placing

The maths here is so simple that my cat could do the sums. As at 28 February Cellular Goods (CBX) had net cash of £2.93 million. Its revenues remain almost zero and its cost base had been slashed to c£3 million. However, the company then did a quasi related party share purchase of King Tide which wants to cultivate seaweed to capture carbon and save the planet. We were promised that this company would have its first revenues by Christmas but there is no sign of that so instead it is adding to the cashburn. Come on you can do the maths….

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “King Tide Carbon produce kelp-derived biochar” attempted ramptastic

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “product in Jamie Greenberg Swag Bag” attempted ramptastic

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “participate in Sephora’s Beauty Box” RNS Reach attempted ramptastic

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “products available for purchase in France and Germany”, no financial indications (natch!)

Food Standards Agency crashes CBD Market with massive health warning

Think of all those morally bankrupt celebs who trousered even more cash promoting products now shown to be harmful without a care in the world. Yes Antony Joshua and Claudia Winkleman you are greedy troughers not checking out anything before you added to your already stuffed bank accounts. Claudia: do you feel an ounce of guilt today? You should!

Desperate ramping by almost insolvent Cellular Goods as it re-announces Nothingburger non seaweed news

Gosh this is desperate. Cellular Goods (CBX) the CBD cum seaweed to net zero related party con, backed by David Beckham, is running on vapours and so to try to spoof its shares higher to allow another placing it has released the most pathetic of announcements. This is so wretched it is almost embarrassing

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – joint venture agreement with Springtide Seaweed LLC, no financial details (natch!)

Cellular Goods – Is the Fat lady booking a Christmas gig? Any news on the seaweed joke?

The maths for David Beckham backed CBD come seaweed to net zero play Cellular Goods (CBX) are grim and at this rate it won’t be Posh Spice taking it up the xxxx but shareholders. The Fat Lady (clearly not Ms. Spice) should be readying herself for a Christmas gig.

Cellular Goods (#CBX) – “a finalist in Pure Beauty Awards” attempted ramptastic, how’s that balance sheet?