Young Steve Moore and I have repeatedly warned you about Seraphine (BUMP) another disastrous 2021 IPO. Today came another warning but before we deal with the abject numbers I suggest you all have a butcher’s at its website HERE. And as a reminder…

I have warned you for a long time, notably with this dossier HERE, that Standard Listed MGC Pharmaceuticals (MXC) is a dog with fleas drowning in a sea of red flags. Today’s quarterlies, coming after six ramptastic announcements so far this month are piss poor and written with intent to deceive.

As explained HERE, sub scale investor in crap companies Tern (TERN) needs to get a placing away by April Fool’s day or it is in deep merde.  Hence a desperate attempt to ramp the shares ahead of a visit to the bucket shops for the discounted bailout. Even Tern could not bring itself to make today’s release an RNS. It is an RNS Reach meaning that it is financially immaterial. You will be amazed just how immaterial it is. As such this is a major red flag that a discounted placing is imminent so if you are buying shares in the market today you better lube up.

This is the company that lied in its very first RNS on December 30 2020, claiming to have raised £600,000 for its IPO when, in fact the money did not arrive until January when “investors” had been able to flip their shares to raise the cash for the placement. Between then and now it had boasted of utterly spurious crypto and NFT deals then, one suspects under FCA pressure, reverted to its prospectus gameplan of trying to do an RTO in oil.  But now another lie.

It looks as if Richard “nobody likes me and I don’t care” Jennings had a narrow escape not merging his Align Research company with Vox Markets as its accounts are now out and they are shockingly bad. But when 50% of the board is comprised of Justin “the Clown” Waite, is it any great surprise?

Another day and another merger occurs in US cannabis. This time it is Hexo which is to acquire 48North Cannabis Corp in an all share $50 million deal so what is the read-across for the fraud Zoetic (ZOE) and its valuation? Look away now bulls… it is dire.

Since both sides in this particular tussle speak only to folks of a similar bent, both will take enough from a statement that says nothing concrete to allow them to scream for joy inside their respective echo chambers. Both camps will be emboldened in their GroupThink. But should they? Here are a few hard numbers to consider…

Little Brian is a comic genius. His company may have been booted off two markets junior to AIM for gargantuan regulatory breaches but USOP, once ramped to £500 million, struggles on raising money as a private company. And so it still issues releases to sucker in more investors. They are a scream. Little Brian has won the highly contested “ShareProphets CEO fantasist of the year” several times in the past few years and with a release today, he must be a very strong contender for 2020.

Of course there really is more chance of me shagging Cheryl Cole than of this happening. But let’s hope for it anyway. How many of the current wave of enthusiastic shareholders who piled into the grossly misleading announcements starting on September 10 understand that there could still be much more share dilution to come?  There are three separate financing instruments under which Iconic (ICON) can be required to issue shares for and they are as follows:

Standard listed Cobra Resources (COBR) is the sort of enterprise that gives Aussie stock promoters a bad name. It has two brokers to pump the stock and do placings as often as possible, the esteemed blue chip houses of Peterhouse and SI Capital. Lots of placings, lots of dilution, but lots of commission, coke and hookers all round.  It also employs THREE firms of the calibre of LSE Share Talk to pump the stock to mug punters. But an RNS release of 17 August surely goes a step too far.

As if those folks who do not mind that CEO James Draper lied to them on August 8 about H1 results do not need another reason to sell their shares in Bidstack, Draper has provided it by dumping stock himself. Smart move.

Ben Harrington has another tale about Telit (TCM). Truly the fraudsters favourite journalist is a stain on an entire profession. So what to read into this latest Jackanory? Meanwhile some of those attacking me on twitter, after a Steve Holdsworth tweet in support, display almost the classic definition of stupidity. They will, I fear, remain in social housing with this approach. I also discuss Boris, shagging and nasty smears by wretched Theresa May.

It seems that Dallas Cowboys News likes my tweets on the matter of its cheerleaders so I talk about them again. Then I move on to ECR Minerals (ECR), Servision (SEV) and the spivs at Belfort Securities, Gulf Keystone (GKP), Rose Petroleum (ROSE), Clarkson (CKSN), XCite Energy (XEL) and TrakM8 (TRAK) 

It looks as if shareholders will very soon hear the final grim news at Gulf Keystone (GKP). I first said sell at 180p and have been given grief all the way down. Folks can line up to apologise to me in an orderly queue. I discuss who is to blame and what happens next. Then it is onto the reason Brexit is not the real issue, there is an elephant in the room and its European but its on the other side of the channel. That takes me to the UK deficit, Cheryl and the cheerleaders and my stance on equities.

I really do not care who media minister John Whittingdale is shagging. He seems to have a way with the ladies, he is single and his latest hook up, the ex porn star, looks pretty fit. I am not sure about the hooker with a specialisation in S&M but it probably brought Mr Whittingdale back some happy memories of boarding school. Ooooh matron...what should I do about press regulation? Thwack. What is perhaps of more interest to me is the list of those making donations to Mr Whittingdale as disclosed in the register of members interests.